Year of the Lockdown Baby

 This month's update is... no update! I was conscious that I haven't really shared any news recently and to be honest it's because there isn't much to say. 

We attended Limb Reconstruction Clinic last month, where we met some of the prosthetics team and the other doctors working with Mr F on Rory's care, but other than a bit of a catch up and a few more questions there wasn't really much to report back on. 

Next month will see us meeting with Grimsby Physio (as Sheffield have handed over to them now), the Burns/Plastics team for a check up on his leg, and a catch up with Sheffield Paediatrics for an update on his overall medical picture. 

Other than that, we have finally been able to live a 'normal' life! It feels great to not be burdened by hospital appointments, and to at last be able to focus on the ordinary happenings of a seven month old.... sitting up, babbling, and the minefield that is weaning. 

I want to take this pause to address a major challenge that we've faced which, to be honest, I have somewhat overlooked throughout this blog; the impacts of the Coronavirus Pandemic and subsequent national lockdown. Going through Rory's medical journey has been tough. Having a baby in lockdown has been tough. Putting them both together has been an amalgamation of anxiety. 

Some of you reading this have your own Lockdown Babies, so can relate with many parts of this story. I need to start by acknowledging that a lot of people have struggled at some point or another through the past year, so I'm in no way trying to claim that we are worse off than others. This is simply the story of our lockdown experience. 

Pregnancy in Lockdown

When the country went into lockdown in March 2020, we'd luckily already attended together our 12 week and 20 week ultrasound scans, as well as a few midwife appointments. We were some of the fortunate ones in that respect, and I really feel for the new dads who missed out on that experience. The first time I had to attend a midwife appointment alone was strange; Pete sat in the car and sent me in with his questions. As our due date grew closer, I had to start wearing a mask. Those appointments became the only time I left the house (bar short walks round the village), so it was nice to get in the car and go somewhere! Our first real pain occurred when during one appointment the midwife thought the baby's heart was beating too fast (tachycardic). I got back to the car, where Pete was waiting, and through tears told him he had to take me to hospital as per the midwife's instruction. It was terrifying; even more so when he had to drop me at the doors of the hospital and wait in the car whilst I walked up to the ward alone to find out if there was something wrong with my baby. I don't know who it was worse for; Pete or me. 

Thank goodness Rory was ok; his heartbeat settled down and after half an hour I met Pete back at the car. 

When I went into labour in July, Pete was yet again sat in the hospital car park, waiting anxiously for any update from me. Meanwhile I was upstairs being examined by midwives and waiting to be told what was going on. I wasn't dilated enough, so off home we went. Two days of contractions later it got to the point where I was certain things were moving forwards. Around 4am on the Sunday morning we once again drove to hospital, Pete parked the car and up the stairs I went. Less than half an hour later I was able to text Pete and give him the great news; "You can come up". It was actually 12 hours later that Rory was born; a wild and wonderful moment that I'll remember forever. Covid, and the world, melted away. For six hours at least, which was the length of time after the birth that Pete could stay as per the current ruling. With five minutes to go the nurses were looking at their watches and Pete took the hint. Rory and I had to stay in hospital for a few days, and sadly Pete wasn't allowed to visit within that time. He went home, as a new dad, yet his world was the same. The house was still, dishes still needed doing, the village was quiet, and there was nothing significant for him to do. He hoovered. When the time came for him to pick me up, he met me at the hospital doors and we happily took Rory home. 

Newborn in Lockdown

Whilst we loved being wrapped up in our little bubble of three, the harsh reminder of this scary Covid-riddled world occurred when the first of our family members turned up, and instead of coming in for cuddles, had to meet Rory through the window of our front room. It was heartbreaking to have to lock the door and do this to our family even though we knew it was the right thing, not only because it was the rules but because we had to protect our newborn. We absolutely hated that, and it certainly tainted our experience of those first few days as parents. I would have loved to have passed him around and share our joy with our loved ones. Be able to hug people, truly celebrate this new life. Alas, this was lockdown. 

Two of our closest friends Emma & Barney, plus their wonderful clan, coming to meet Rory through the window at 4 days old!

Photo shared with permission.

Hospital in Lockdown

Which it why it was all the more difficult when Rory fell so ill at 3 weeks old. One of the things running through my mind while he was hooked up to the ventilator was "he might die, and his grandparents haven't cuddled him, and that's because of us." I was wracked with guilt, among the myriad of other emotions. 

The effects of Covid didn't end there. Once Rory was stable enough to move off ICU and onto NSU, the rules changed. We were back to the one-parent rule. Whilst I could be with Rory on the ward, Pete couldn't. We had a room in the hospital accommodation so he stayed there most of the day, working, only really meeting me for dinner. If a consultant came in to discuss something important, Pete could join us then and it was the only chance he got to see Rory. After two weeks the nurses in charge on the ward made the call that dads could have a 2 hour visit slot per day, which was something at least...
When we moved onto Ward 2, and when we came back for consequent surgeries and appointments, Rory's consultants agreed that both of us could be present due to the complexities of his situation. Despite this, every visit we still had to explain ourselves to the volunteers at the doors of the hospital who never seemed too happy about us turning up together. Even though we had a legitimate extenuating circumstance, including doctors' permission, we still felt like we were being given dirty looks for flouting the rules, which was a feeling we really could have done without. Fortunately the reception staff were great and soon recognised us as 'the regulars'. 

Baby in Lockdown

So Rory recovered, we took him home, and finally began to enjoy life as a three. Thanks to bubbles we were able to see my Mum and Step Dad regularly, and during the little gap between lockdowns in August/September time we got the chance to finally introduce Rory to a few select friends and family members. Then back into lockdown we went, and again our friends and family watched Rory grow up through Zoom, photos, and doorstep visits. It's been rubbish, to say the least. I often feel like we are going to emerge from this pandemic, finally see our friends again, and I'll suddenly present everyone with a toddler! There's been no opportunity to have that lovely new mum experience of 'showing him off'. There's been no cups of tea on my best friend's sofa whilst she occupies him to give me a much needed break. There's been no playing with his baby friends and more importantly; his 18 month old cousin, who we also miss dearly. Whilst I know I have Pete, who is an amazing Dad and husband, it's nonetheless been an incredibly lonely time. We are making memories and passing milestones, all by ourselves. 

I am however part of a 'mum group'; we all live locally but met online roughly during our third trimesters of pregnancy, and we call ourselves the "3am Club"! Whilst we are not able to meet except the odd pairing for walks around the villages, it's been a big help to have such a chatty group on the end of the phone, literally 24/7. There's always a conversation going on (there is always somebody awake!), there are adorable baby photos being shared, as well as the mutual moans and frustrations about the experience that we are all in on top of the normal new-mum questions and chatter. These girls have been a fantastic support network over the past year, and a brilliant source of advice and reassurance on all aspects of parenthood. We've all had our individual highs and lows (the lows mostly involving sleep or lack thereof), but there's generally somebody who can relate to one thing or another. I can't thank them enough for simply being there, and I know they feel the same about each other. 

So we aren't totally alone. Not virtually anyway. Here's a photo from one of our weekly zooms!

Photo shared with permission from all mums.

Socially, I have worried a little about Rory's development as a direct result of the pandemic. For a long time he would burst into tears whenever he met anybody new, or when somebody came to the door and spoke to him. He just hasn't been able to have that social interaction that a baby would typically have. The one saving grace is that he's still so young, and has time to catch up in this regard. I'm aware that's not just a baby thing- I know many parents of toddlers and young children who are also feeling this pain as we approach the Covid 12-month mark.

So in closing, Coronavirus certainly has a lot to answer for; nonetheless I know that I can't complain too much as we are lucky in a lot of ways. People have lost jobs, loved ones and more during this pandemic, so I can't sit here and act like we are suffering when we still have our health, our income and each other. But we've still lost a big part of the new-parent experience, so to the parents of lockdown babies: I see you. We're in this together, apart. Our babies won't remember this, but what a story we have to tell them!

Next Post

I still get asked a lot of questions about Rory's story so far, his condition, and his future. So for the next blog post I thought I'd run a Q&A. For that, I need questions to answer! So please ask away, anything you like, things that I maybe haven't made quite clear, things that I've maybe forgotten to address or not delved into enough...

You can leave a comment here below (anonymously or not), or you can send me a message on facebook, or email the blog (through the menu option on the left hand side of this page). I look forward to reading your questions and hopefully clarifying anything that has been left open.